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Post by ZandraJoi on Sept 13, 2020 20:44:21 GMT -5
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Post by ZandraJoi on Sept 13, 2020 20:48:08 GMT -5
www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2014/11/this-student-says-hes-too-smart-for-1st-grade-then-this-happens.html “A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Johnny, after a moment, "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have, but I do not have?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, "Pockets." Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny: "Pants" Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last four questions myself." “Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think.”- Albert Einstein” My notes: Loved this! Funny!
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Post by Bob on Sept 19, 2020 17:00:59 GMT -5
Very funny! Too many of them were good to mention. I laughed at several.
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Post by Bob on Sept 19, 2020 17:04:50 GMT -5
www.whydontyoutrythis.com/2014/11/this-student-says-hes-too-smart-for-1st-grade-then-this-happens.html “A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?" Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnny: "9". Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnny: "36". And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, Let me ask him some questions?" The principal and Johnny both agree. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Johnny, after a moment, "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have, but I do not have?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny replied, "Pockets." Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Johnny: "Pants" Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of excitement?" Johnny: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last four questions myself." “Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think.”- Albert Einstein” My notes: Loved this! Funny! That's good. Put him in the fifth grade!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 20, 2020 20:46:36 GMT -5
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Post by ZandraJoi on Sept 22, 2020 10:53:53 GMT -5
"A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating." Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don"t be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn"t have cruise control." As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !?" The wife smiles demurely and says, "Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher." As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you"re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket." The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn"t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you"re driving." And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON"T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?" The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?" "Only when he"s been drinking, officer.""
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2020 13:37:57 GMT -5
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Post by ZandraJoi on Oct 2, 2020 20:15:05 GMT -5
My wife thanked me because we didn't get into an argument while we fixed the ceiling fan. I told her we don't usually get into arguments when we fix things. She disagreed. So we then argued about whether we usually argue or not. Marriage is wild, y'all.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?- Unknown We used to hiss the villain; now we go out & buy his book.- Unknown I put a changing table in the nursery but so far, it looks the same.- Unknown A vexed mason will sometimes throw in the trowel.- Unknown
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Post by ZandraJoi on Oct 5, 2020 20:32:35 GMT -5
My notes: Was an ad, of course they could've put it on an OLD person not a 20 something LOL
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2020 20:13:22 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2020 11:18:50 GMT -5
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Post by ZandraJoi on Oct 26, 2020 10:05:56 GMT -5
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you can be sure that he won’t realize what you’ve said until you are already a full mile away & have his shoes!- Steve Martin Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly & they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?- Marsha Warfield Pantomime is a great art; it goes without saying!- Unknown Skiers wonder if it's all downhill from here!- Unknown
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Post by Deleted on Oct 31, 2020 14:34:13 GMT -5
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Post by ZandraJoi on Apr 30, 2021 12:52:30 GMT -5
A man who wanted to sing in church wondered if he should in-choir.- Unknown Nothing improves your driving like the sudden discovery that your license has expired.- Unknown The 6 y/o youngster had his hand in the cookie jar when his mother happened to walk into the kitchen. “What did I tell you I would do if I caught you in the cookie jar?” she scolded. “It’s funny that you forgot, mommy,” he replied, “’cause I can’t remember either.- Unknown A baby-sitter is someone hired to solve the problem of what to do with the leftovers.- Unknown Eskimos, after six months of sunlight, call it a day.- Unknown
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2021 19:32:35 GMT -5
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Post by ZandraJoi on May 24, 2021 11:12:29 GMT -5
Electrician: One who worries about current events.- Unknown Saw a lad standing on one leg at an ATM. Confused, I asked him what he was doing? He was just checking his balance.- Unknown Child psychology has discovered many excellent rules for bring up up other people’s children.- Unknown The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy then while they're still on your side.- Unknown A signature always reveals a man's character & sometimes even his name.- Evan Esar
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Post by ZandraJoi on Jun 16, 2021 8:26:27 GMT -5
Beware of the conversationalist who adds “in other words”. He is merely starting afresh.- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957 author & journalist) On location in an isolated area for many weeks, a motion picture company consulted an old native daily for reliable weather predictions. He was remarkably accurate. Then one day he refused to predict. “Is anything wrong?” they asked him. “Yes,” he said. “My radio broke.”- Unknown Conversation is the art of telling people a little less than they want to know.- Unknown Children say the funniest things, & usually in front of the wrong people.- Unknown It’s a fact that the older a man becomes, the faster he could run as a boy.- Unknown
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Post by ZandraJoi on Jun 24, 2021 8:59:31 GMT -5
Ever notice that the best patrons of the movie snack bar always sit in the middle of the row?- Unknown Bachelor: A man who wouldn’t take yes for an answer.- Unknown A conference is a meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.- Unknown We all admire the wisdom of people who come to us for advice.- Arthur Helps The inhabitants of the United States come to their census every ten years.- Unknown
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Post by Bob on Aug 15, 2021 17:33:16 GMT -5
Just found out the company that produces yardsticks won't be making them any longer.
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Post by Bob on Aug 15, 2021 17:34:23 GMT -5
I heard ABBA and Elvis Costello will be touring together. It's the ABBA and Costello concert. I wonder who's on first?
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Post by Bob on Aug 15, 2021 17:35:31 GMT -5
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because he was always lost at C.
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Post by Bob on Aug 15, 2021 17:38:09 GMT -5
Somebody keeps sending me celery and I don't know who it is! I think I'm being stalked!
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Post by Bob on Aug 15, 2021 17:39:16 GMT -5
When a Cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a Def Leppard!
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Post by ZandraJoi on Oct 5, 2021 8:14:27 GMT -5
I pulled into a service station the other day & asked the attendant for five dollars worth of gasoline. He stared at me blankly, then replied, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think the pump will stop that fast.”-Unknown Mechanic to customer: “My advice to you is keep the oil & change the car.”- Unknown The meek haven’t yet inherited the earth- they’re probably afraid of the inheritance tax.- Unknown Photographer’s song: “Someday My Prints Will Come”.- Unknown
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Post by Bob on Oct 24, 2021 17:52:00 GMT -5
There once was a king who measures only 12 inches tall. He wasn’t much of a king but he made a good ruler.
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Post by ZandraJoi on Mar 26, 2022 11:16:10 GMT -5
A study has shown that more than half of all Americans lose their television remote between 1 & 5 times each week. Although most often it is hiding under the furniture, a surprising 6% say that they usually find the device in the refrigerator.- Unknown A person who makes candles often has to work on wick ends.- Unknown Author’s lives are punctuated with good writing periods.- Unknown
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Post by ZandraJoi on Mar 27, 2022 20:59:29 GMT -5
When the radio personality appeared in the parade, he gave a short wave.- Unknown Some children think that their parents are all no-ing.- Unknown A gossip columnist writes wrongs.- Unknown
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Post by Bob on Apr 11, 2022 18:18:20 GMT -5
What do you call a monk who likes to parachute? An air friar!
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Post by ZandraJoi on Apr 24, 2022 9:18:48 GMT -5
Biological condition that draws teens toward denim: jean-eaology.- Unknown Penniless fortune-tellers have to work on their prophetability.- Unknown Working in a muffler shop is quite exhausting.- Unknown
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