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Post by lammchen on Aug 28, 2023 13:51:54 GMT -5
I've never been a very assertive person...how assertive are you?
Right now I could use some assertiveness! I'm working on a project for someone and I'm doing it for free and I feel that this person is taking advantage of my generosity because he's making constant changes. I don't even know how to say STOP at this point because it's becoming a daily thing. Help
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Post by lainee on Aug 28, 2023 15:49:43 GMT -5
You're doing something for free, and that is very generous of you right there:-) Simply tell him if he wants to continue making changes (because apparently he doesn't appreciate what YOU are doing), why doesn't he just take over and do it himself?
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Speaks
Astronaut
Posts: 359
Likes: 372
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Post by Speaks on Aug 29, 2023 12:15:32 GMT -5
I’m not assertive enough I need more confidence
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Post by Bob on Aug 29, 2023 19:08:00 GMT -5
Probably 70% of the time I'm assertive. I would tell him the first one is free, the rest pay me.
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Post by kyng on Aug 29, 2023 19:14:55 GMT -5
Probably not assertive enough... it's something I could work on too .
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Post by demonskeith on Aug 30, 2023 1:17:29 GMT -5
I'm also not really all that assertive as well, I can be if really pushed but I tend to let things go and keep moving on.
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heatman
Astronaut
Posts: 391
Likes: 401
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Post by heatman on Aug 31, 2023 2:03:57 GMT -5
I'm very assertive in most of the things and engagement that I have with people. If I let something go on for a long time, it's because I wanted to and not because I'm not aware of what's going.
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Post by ZandraJoi on Sept 1, 2023 10:50:29 GMT -5
I've never been a very assertive person...how assertive are you? Right now I could use some assertiveness! I'm working on a project for someone and I'm doing it for free and I feel that this person is taking advantage of my generosity because he's making constant changes. I don't even know how to say STOP at this point because it's becoming a daily thing. Help A thank you to lammchen for starting a great topic here I'm not that assertive myself. I can be if it's for a loved one. Like when we go to the vet for our pet, I will be polite but I'll also get my point across.
What you can do next time is have a set fee. A few changes, give a number like 5 or 10 is on the house but any others, they will need to pay for.
For this client, you will need to practice Self-Care. Maybe ask them why they have so many changes. Are they themselves undecided with the end result? Are they familiar with how detailed these types of projects can be? Maybe they don't realize a simple change can take several hours to do.
Please keep us updated on how this goes
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Post by lammchen on Sept 2, 2023 10:41:38 GMT -5
I've never been a very assertive person...how assertive are you? Right now I could use some assertiveness! I'm working on a project for someone and I'm doing it for free and I feel that this person is taking advantage of my generosity because he's making constant changes. I don't even know how to say STOP at this point because it's becoming a daily thing. Help A thank you to lammchen for starting a great topic here I'm not that assertive myself. I can be if it's for a loved one. Like when we go to the vet for our pet, I will be polite but I'll also get my point across.
What you can do next time is have a set fee. A few changes, give a number like 5 or 10 is on the house but any others, they will need to pay for.
For this client, you will need to practice Self-Care. Maybe ask them why they have so many changes. Are they themselves undecided with the end result? Are they familiar with how detailed these types of projects can be? Maybe they don't realize a simple change can take several hours to do.
Please keep us updated on how this goes Great questions to ask him!! The update for now is that I decided to man up and BE the artist and tell him my professional opinion. I stunned myself actually with what I wrote to him I pretty much put my foot down and told him that to keep the project looking professional that he needed to follow my suggestions and then I gave him some solutions to the things HE suggested. I still need to do a lot of work on it but at least now he understands all the work I've put into it and probably won't make any further edits. It will be up to 12 hours all said and done. For a 4-6 hour project. Live and learn.
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Post by Steve on Sept 2, 2023 11:31:08 GMT -5
Very assertive. Especially as I've gotten older.
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Post by ZandraJoi on Sept 5, 2023 19:43:06 GMT -5
lammchen, lainee, Speaks, Bob, kyng, demonskeith, heatman, Steve, Wonderful topic & awesome replies here! Some of us are assertive while others are not so much. But we can learn Lammchen, I think it was a great compromise to have solutions for his own suggestions. Then he feels he is being listened to.
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Cameron
Stargazer
Posts: 30
Likes: 30
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Post by Cameron on Sept 5, 2023 20:28:51 GMT -5
I am not remotely assertive. Never have been. That's something I've had to work on since as I've grown up, especially working in management roles.
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osprey
Astronomer
Posts: 67
Likes: 64
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Post by osprey on Sept 6, 2023 0:26:51 GMT -5
0% assertive.
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Post by lainee on Sept 6, 2023 10:03:17 GMT -5
I've never been a very assertive person...how assertive are you? Right now I could use some assertiveness! I'm working on a project for someone and I'm doing it for free and I feel that this person is taking advantage of my generosity because he's making constant changes. I don't even know how to say STOP at this point because it's becoming a daily thing. Help A thank you to lammchen for starting a great topic here I'm not that assertive myself. I can be if it's for a loved one. Like when we go to the vet for our pet, I will be polite but I'll also get my point across.
What you can do next time is have a set fee. A few changes, give a number like 5 or 10 is on the house but any others, they will need to pay for.
For this client, you will need to practice Self-Care. Maybe ask them why they have so many changes. Are they themselves undecided with the end result? Are they familiar with how detailed these types of projects can be? Maybe they don't realize a simple change can take several hours to do.
Please keep us updated on how this goes
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Post by lainee on Sept 6, 2023 10:08:53 GMT -5
lammchen, Good for you! You stood your ground and that's empowering !! Good job
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Post by Emerald on Sept 6, 2023 12:51:06 GMT -5
I am usually assertive and yet there are times I find it hard to be, so 80% assertive/20 not for me.
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heatman
Astronaut
Posts: 391
Likes: 401
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Post by heatman on Sept 7, 2023 9:06:32 GMT -5
Very assertive. Especially as I've gotten older. This! I have been in the same frame too as I got older. There are some things I wouldn't have caught easily when I was younger but now, it's on one touch.
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Post by Steve on Sept 8, 2023 17:07:21 GMT -5
lammchen, Good for you! You stood your ground and that's empowering !! Good job Agreed with one caveat ... one must consider the possible consequences of any assertive action. For example, if I speak my mind to someone are they going to try and kick and my butt? (Unlikely to happen given my size and history but you get the point.) Will my action create the possibility of losing my job that I so desperately need? And so on ... If things like this could arise, possibly a different method of getting done what you want done is available? As heatman insinuated, once you're retired, all bets are off.
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Post by lammchen on Sept 9, 2023 6:50:37 GMT -5
lammchen , Good for you! You stood your ground and that's empowering !! Good job Agreed with one caveat ... one must consider the possible consequences of any assertive action. For example, if I speak my mind to someone are they going to try and kick and my butt? (Unlikely to happen given my size and history but you get the point.) Will my action create the possibility of losing my job that I so desperately need? And so on ... If things like this could arise, possibly a different method of getting done what you want done is available? As heatman insinuated, once you're retired, all bets are off. I think there is that fine line distinction between being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive means sticking to the facts, sticking your goals, and proving your point calmly. Aggression tries to take someone else down.
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Post by lainee on Sept 9, 2023 21:10:33 GMT -5
Agreed with one caveat ... one must consider the possible consequences of any assertive action. For example, if I speak my mind to someone are they going to try and kick and my butt? (Unlikely to happen given my size and history but you get the point.) Will my action create the possibility of losing my job that I so desperately need? And so on ... If things like this could arise, possibly a different method of getting done what you want done is available? As heatman insinuated, once you're retired, all bets are off. I think there is that fine line distinction between being assertive and being aggressive. Being assertive means sticking to the facts, sticking your goals, and proving your point calmly. Aggression tries to take someone else down.
Agreed.... I do get both your points....makes sense.
There IS a very fine line between being assertive and aggression.
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