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Post by lammchen on Dec 4, 2023 11:51:43 GMT -5
My husband's family stopped gift giving for aunts/uncles when he was in his 20s. His niece and nephew are in their 20s/30s now and he said this is the year we stop giving. They stopped giving to us a few years ago.
How do we address this? Do I tell their mom and just let her handle it? It's so awkward and I'd rather my husband speak up instead of me, but he isn't good at communicating.
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Post by lainee on Dec 4, 2023 18:24:51 GMT -5
lammchen , IMHO, at the next gathering, simply tell them you've decided to stop gift giving. A true gift is the time spent with people you love and care about....Priceless! It's YOUR choice and you should feel free to do so....without any awkwardness at all. Our family stopped giving gifts years ago....we'd rather play games, chit-chat and do a lot of laughing!
(And, you know what's fun and very cool? When you DO decide to give a gift to someone....it's for no reason at all ....just because )
Merry Christmas to you & yours!
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Post by ZandraJoi on Dec 4, 2023 20:34:42 GMT -5
lammchen, lainee, My family no longer does gifts. I tell people we instead gift "Time". So maybe that could be a compromise. Say instead of giving presents to each other, you'll gift Time. If that doesn't work, another option is to gift to others. You all pitch in at a local Soup Kitchen. Another option is if people REALLY feel the need to give & get gifts (some have that itch) to let them know the gifts will be donated to local charities. Toys for Tots, etc. Make a new tradition. I feel it'd be better coming from their Aunt & Uncle rather than through that Grapevine telling their Mom. Gift giving is a special act & should never be one of stress & worry.
If they complain, that would honestly help set in stone my decision as they wouldn't be worth my gift. But who knows. Others may want to tweak the tradition but didn't want to rock the boat.
Since it's already December, it's a bit late for this decision as they may be expecting gifts. Would you see them before the expected gift giving?
Please keep us updated on how this goes.
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Post by lammchen on Dec 5, 2023 8:07:43 GMT -5
I should probably include that we haven't seen the family I'm talking about in a few years. We've asked them to come visit us, but they don't respond. The niece and nephew didn't even wish me a happy birthday recently and when I wished them both a happy birthday this past year, it took a few days for them to simply text back a thank you and thanks for the gift.
I think probably my best route would be to approach their mom, but it's hard to bring up the topic.
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Post by ZandraJoi on Dec 5, 2023 10:18:04 GMT -5
I should probably include that we haven't seen the family I'm talking about in a few years. We've asked them to come visit us, but they don't respond. The niece and nephew didn't even wish me a happy birthday recently and when I wished them both a happy birthday this past year, it took a few days for them to simply text back a thank you and thanks for the gift. I think probably my best route would be to approach their mom, but it's hard to bring up the topic. This changes things & hence my answer. If they are being inconsiderate, then simply end it. No explanation needed. If you are on good terms with their mom then by all means, let her know. But they are not worth your time. I think of it this way, If you wouldn't tolerate this from a stranger, why tolerate it just because they are blood related?
I've cut off blood relatives. & not just gift giving. It can be hard. It "feels" odd but none of us need toxicity in our lives. Sending virtual hugs to you Lammchen
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Post by Steve on Dec 5, 2023 13:42:18 GMT -5
I'm not sure I understand the problem here. Sounds like you stop receiving gifts some time ago so why would they expect gifts now?
I seriously don't understand the situation.
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Post by lainee on Dec 5, 2023 15:53:42 GMT -5
I should probably include that we haven't seen the family I'm talking about in a few years. We've asked them to come visit us, but they don't respond. The niece and nephew didn't even wish me a happy birthday recently and when I wished them both a happy birthday this past year, it took a few days for them to simply text back a thank you and thanks for the gift. I think probably my best route would be to approach their mom, but it's hard to bring up the topic. This changes things & hence my answer. If they are being inconsiderate, then simply end it. No explanation needed. If you are on good terms with their mom then by all means, let her know. But they are not worth your time. I think of it this way, If you wouldn't tolerate this from a stranger, why tolerate it just because they are blood related?
I've cut off blood relatives. & not just gift giving. It can be hard. It "feels" odd but none of us need toxicity in our lives. Sending virtual hugs to you Lammchen I agree with everything ZandraJoi says here! Yes, let the mom know, but there's no need for you to explain anything...especially to the niece and nephew. If they don't care enough about the relationship to even 'meet you halfway'.....it's their loss. And, less stress on you Hugs!
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Post by lainee on Dec 5, 2023 16:20:46 GMT -5
I'm not sure I understand the problem here. Sounds like you stop receiving gifts some time ago so why would they expect gifts now? I seriously don't understand the situation. UMM....that's a good point! heehee
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Senkusha
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Post by Senkusha on Dec 5, 2023 20:16:05 GMT -5
This is one thing that's really irked me about the whole Christmas Season. Back when I was a Christian, I felt the Season was best expressed just by spending some really quality time with other people. However, most people seem to get hung up on the idea of receiving gifts. The commercialization of this holiday made me so sick! Even now, although I'm a Wiccan, I still will give a gift to a select few, and it's stuff that I know for a fact the person wants/needs (more heavily leaning on the NEEDS department). But this year, I'm not even sure I can afford dinners to get me through the month of December, let alone worrying about gift giving. So there shall be no gifts from me this year. This upsets me a bit, because I truly enjoy giving gifts to people. But at the same time, I resent it when it's "expected" (demanded).
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Post by demonskeith on Dec 6, 2023 2:32:12 GMT -5
My family does the same for all members outside the main family, once the kids get into the teenage years, they might get a little money but ultimately the gift giving is stopped and instead just focus on the time spent together, since they are old enough to do everything the adults do.
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Post by Bob on Dec 6, 2023 19:10:54 GMT -5
Kick them to the curb!
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Post by ZandraJoi on Dec 22, 2023 9:26:31 GMT -5
lammchen, How well did this go for your family?
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Post by Emerald on Jan 9, 2024 5:50:01 GMT -5
I don't think there is a need to contact anyone - just stop. I mean that alone will speak volumes without the need to tell anyone.
Contacting their Mum is definitely not the way to go, in my opinion, as that could be construed as speaking behind backs. Instead go straight to the source, so no 'misunderstandings' can happen with passing on messages, and be honest with them instead.
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