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Post by lammchen on Jan 23, 2024 16:06:44 GMT -5
I have a couple of friends who are currently out of work. They hint about needing money and in the past, I've given them what I've had in my PayPal account. But then I see that a week or two later they're out at restaurants.
Does it bother you when you give money to friends because they're broke and then they're still living a lavish lifestyle?
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Post by ZandraJoi on Jan 25, 2024 10:17:33 GMT -5
I have a couple of friends who are currently out of work. They hint about needing money and in the past, I've given them what I've had in my PayPal account. But then I see that a week or two later they're out at restaurants. Does it bother you when you give money to friends because they're broke and then they're still living a lavish lifestyle? We’ve had this happen to us as well. But it was a loan. The one got on US because she had to buy coats for her kids instead of paying us back. That wasn’t the issue. We helped them out of debt & they dragged their feet paying us back after we hand-shook on it. It wasn’t that the kids needed coats; the coats they had were fine. It’s that they had no respect for us. They got the money & now there’s tension. I didn’t care what they spent money on as long as they honored their agreement in paying us back. Now, to give without that agreement, no stipulations. Those people clearly don’t know how to handle money & rather burn it than save & pay bills. I’d learn my lesson & not “help” them anymore as they are not helping themselves. It hurts but I would give that money to a charity who would appreciate it.
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Post by lainee on Jan 25, 2024 16:51:22 GMT -5
We're fortunate in our family in that we respect each other and that goes a long way And, depends on the person and the problem....sometimes it absolutely IS cash that's needed! Sometimes it's food items or other things that the other person has easier access to.
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Post by Bob on Jan 25, 2024 19:18:32 GMT -5
Yeah, we've helped others out. If it's not in writing, nothing you can do. Except don't give to family and friends. It can also ruin a friendship.
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Post by demonskeith on Jan 26, 2024 2:02:16 GMT -5
I'll give your friends the benefit of doubt and say someone took them out, but if they were out there on their own (Borrowed) money I get in their face and say what they are doing.
I've had to lend some money to family members, but I always got it back.
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Post by ravenfreak on Jan 26, 2024 20:29:54 GMT -5
I don't mind helping out, but I'm somewhat iffy about loaning money out. I've loaned money to my parents when they were down on their luck in the past and I never got money back from them. Likewise my spouse helped my sister out once and she never paid us back. So I'm not 100% confident with loaning out money. :\ They lost my trust and as long as I know that I can rely on that person to pay me back, I don't like giving out money.
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Post by demonskeith on Jan 27, 2024 3:46:23 GMT -5
Sometimes it is not about getting the money back, but earning favors and having people in debt to you. Sometimes that is worth more.
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Senkusha
Astronaut
Posts: 264
Likes: 283
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Post by Senkusha on Jan 29, 2024 8:02:58 GMT -5
I have a couple of friends who are currently out of work. They hint about needing money and in the past, I've given them what I've had in my PayPal account. But then I see that a week or two later they're out at restaurants. Does it bother you when you give money to friends because they're broke and then they're still living a lavish lifestyle? We’ve had this happen to us as well. But it was a loan. The one got on US because she had to buy coats for her kids instead of paying us back. That wasn’t the issue. We helped them out of debt & they dragged their feet paying us back after we hand-shook on it. It wasn’t that the kids needed coats; the coats they had were fine. It’s that they had no respect for us. They got the money & now there’s tension. I didn’t care what they spent money on as long as they honored their agreement in paying us back. Now, to give without that agreement, no stipulations. Those people clearly don’t know how to handle money & rather burn it than save & pay bills. I’d learn my lesson & not “help” them anymore as they are not helping themselves. It hurts but I would give that money to a charity who would appreciate it. (Bolded for relevance.) You're actually still helping them though. It's called "Tough Love". When they come back crying they need more, and find that you have nothing to give them (because of their previous actions), they'll then have to figure out a different option. (This may be preying upon other potential victims), but eventually they'll have to correct their core behaviors while suffering through the mess they got themselves into.
When I give resources to others, it's because I have extra that I don't need. What another person chooses to do with it, is their business. But if that person is going to lie to me to get my assistance, and I find out about it, well, I don't support dishonest people. (I've also learned the hard way that you never lend to friends of family. (Maybe that's why my social circle is non-existent? LOL) To be considered my friend, you've earned my trust.
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Jay
Astronomer
Posts: 105
Likes: 116
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Post by Jay on Jan 29, 2024 11:36:09 GMT -5
This has happened to me a few times as I like to help people; I never expect it back; however, if the person was that broke, a restaurant should not be the choice to get food.
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Post by calamity on Jan 30, 2024 1:11:10 GMT -5
It's a difficult decision but currently I am at the mind set of if you lend a friend money, consider it a donation that you can't right off and a strain on the friendship. There's obviously a difference between $100, and $1000. My friends would pay back $100 as I know they have it. If it's $1,000 I may get suspicious.
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Post by Steve on Feb 3, 2024 16:00:14 GMT -5
Does it bother you when you give money to friends because they're broke and then they're still living a lavish lifestyle? Hell yes it does. If they're out of a job and I see them at a restaurant I'll go up to them and ask 'is this what you spend the money I gave/loaned you for?' Then I'll tell them not to bother asking me for anymore because they won't get it. Anybody that I see doing that isn't a true friend as far as I'm concerned.
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